Quote of the Day

"I wonder if I can burp and play the pennywhistle at the same time."
~K. Diehl

I hate it when John Rosemond is right

Conservative parenting columnist John Rosemond, who openly longs for the days when all moms stayed home to better welcome dads home from work with a martini and home-cooked meal, is right about one thing. Parents today over-parent, subsuming their own identity to that of their kids and parent-hood, giving their kids too much power in the family and too much responsibility that should rest with the parents.

This AlterNet story explores the emerging trend and how the workplace effects it:

Now, more people wait to have kids because they don't feel ready in light of it being so important and difficult. And being a parent is harder than ever due to "structural problems," says Lepore. "Most jobs are made for people who aren't taking care of children. The sharper the division between parenthood and adulthood, the worse those jobs fit, and the less well people who aren't rearing children understand the hardships of people who are. Employers are seldom asked to accommodate family life in any meaningful way; employees do all the accommodating, which mainly involves, especially for women, pretending that we don't actually have families."

And all of that also means parenthood has become a kind of magical ideal, a role impossible to actually fulfill due to time, personality or financial constraints -- think June Cleaver, or her modern equivalent, Angelina Jolie. Parenthood is not only supposed to take over our schedules and bank accounts, but transform our identities. When you have a kid, you're no longer an adult or an individual, you're a parent.

Add the Disney marketing juggernaut and you've got a recipe for the crazies.

Driving my kid and her two friends to a weeklong overnight camp last week, winding my way through the remote and badly marked back roads of northeastern Connecticut, I could not help but think that most of us in the car have been programmed to view the situation as a Disney show - a situation comedy. The parent would be predictably inept and hapless, the kids would figure out the way there. I almost complied, getting quite seriously lost by thinking I could outsmart google directions with my own old map that SEEMED to show such a shortcut. The kids, however, seemed uninterested in double checking any map, content to trade gum and camp stories.

What pisses me off about Rosemond is that he's sexist and disingenuous. I too would advocate for a society and economy where one parent has the option to remain home and parent - and, say, get that MBA or law degree, or volunteer to improve the community. But let's recognize the bad things about the good old days, when women's careers ended with childbirth and their career options were limited to teacher and nurse in the first place.

But even while we need time to parent, we need to lighten up about it. I cringe when I hear parents ask their tetchy toddlers, Do you want to take a nap? Do you want to eat your vegetables? Wrong question, I want to scream. THAT is too much power for a kid, and the wrong kind. These kids are like a dog who's stared at all the time. They'd much benefit from being left to their own devices, with firm rules and a good understanding of their own abilities and the consequences of their actions.

40 - 40 - 6: Too bad it's not a locker combination

This is the % of black, Latino, and white students in the US - respectively - attending schools with poverty rates of 70 to 100%.

Too bad it's not a locker combination.

The full report is here at the Sheff Movement web site: Why Sheff Matters

MPAA Bans Teens from Twilight, Harry Potter

AP - Movie fans around the country were stunned today by the announcement of a new movie ratings system that will ban thousands of young fans from seeing their favorite films in theaters.

Under the new guidelines, released today by the Motion Picture Association Picture of America, ratings of PG-13 and above will be strictly enforced by requiring not only parental consent but photo IDs. As a result, many fans will not be admitted to the latest Twilight and Harry Potter films, expected out this year, and many others.

"It's high time our young people got some wholesome entertainment, not this mystical, sleazy warlock and vampire junk," said Sen. Joseph I . Lieberman, D-CT, a leading advocate of the changes.

Young fans reacted with dismay. Protests were planned in most major cities and studios were said to be laying plans to combat pirated films and screenings.

"I just can't believe it," said 12-year-old Julia Montgomery, of Hartford, CT, who has read every Twilight novel and seen the first film five times. "This is so unfair and I can't believe we are seeing this kind of censorship right here in the US."

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Quote of the Day

"The best one was the free one."

~V. Diehl, after visiting the Newseum and Smithsonian Museum of Natural History.

"Go, Mommy!"

~K. Diehl, to me, after watching a Newseum video about reporters covering 9/11.

The piece was a stirring testimonial to the role of the press in being there to cover disasters, emergencies, etc. She was referring to the fact that I used to be a reporter. I quickly explained that the East Hartford school board and police logs involved little such risk.

She and her sister also had to listen to my rant that corporate layoffs have so decimated the press corps that such reporting capacity is sadly much diminished.

Space Bores Me

Quote of the Day:

Space bores me. It's up there, all right? Let's just keep it up there.

~K. Diehl

Fake news trumps "real" news

A very good summary by AlterNet asks the disturbing question:

"All hilarity aside ... what does it mean that Jon Stewart is doing a better job holding CNBC accountable than anybody else?"

It's worth watching all the Daily Show clips here.

Interconnectedness....and, spend less than you earn

The other day I fixed dinner while listening to a story on NPR about the interconnectedness of one small town's economy and how it's being slammed in these hard times. One laid-off worker stops spending and impacts another business, which closes down and hurts others, and so on.

I had to turn it off halfway through. It was sounding this endless same single note of alarm - it's bad! it's getting worse! you're screwed and there's nothing you can do about it! - without any glimmer of hope of action people can take or intimation that someday it will get better.

This is all elementary economics that I feel I learned as a reporter in my 20s, never mind later Econ classes. You walk down your town's main street (if you still have one) and look and think and there it is. It's the Wal-Mart effect writ small.

It's also Thich Nhat Hanh's apple meditation, or thoughts on Interbeing or interconnectedness.

The apple meditation is, put simply, an exercise where you take an apple and, as you eat it, realize it could not exist without the water that fed the tree, the air that helped the plant, the soil that nourished the tree's roots - and that this air, soil, and water are all interconnected also with the air we breathe, the soil we garden in or walk on, the water we drink and swim in and pass. The whole world, including you, is in this apple, when you think about it.

It's not such a leap, I thought, as I clicked the radio pre-set to one of my daughter's pop stations, to see that the coffee shop on the corner is connected to the airplane manufacturer down the street...even connected to the Wal-Mart off the interstate.

It is a scary, scary time. Official unemployment in our cities now is 12%. Others have written that those of us who still have jobs have awful levels of stress that we will lose them. My own personal mantra now is: spend less than you earn. On a good month I do and can pay down my debts and squirrel a little a way. It's the only way I can feel a little safe and even then it's pretty tenuous.

People are also finally saying, though, that a real shift is occurring in the way we think, and I see that. People are conserving resources because they can't afford to waste. Good for the planet and ultimately good for us. An economist on Talk of the Nation today was saying that once again hard work is going to be valued and rewarded.

For years I have been angry at George W Bush for telling us to go shopping after 9/11 to show our patriotism. We would have saved string and planted victory gardens then had he asked us. We've lost time but now we are starting.

A Two Quote Day

"North is my favorite direction."
~K. Diehl

"Hey, did you know peanuts explode in the microwave?"
~K. Diehl

New Feature: Quote of the Day

My daughter, Katie, has suggested a new feature for the blog: Quote of the Day.

While making dinner - tuna noodle! - she recounts this observation by her favorite teacher, Mr C, aka Mr. Coonce-Ewing:

"The fact that we are so happy that Obama is our first Black president just shows how caught up on race we still are."

She is in agreement.

(She did ask me how many people read my blog. I told her, none, I think.)

Get well soon, Mr. C!

Whaddya know, I'm a Protestant

Honestly, sometimes you just go through life doing the best you can and things just come your way.

Little Red Hen Syndrome

Being the sole working adult in a household of two middle-schoolers, I have identified, over the years, what I call the Little Red Hen Syndrome.

You may know the story: Little Red Hen asks all the other animals if they want to help plant the wheat. Not I, the horse, goat, cat, dog, etc. all reply in turn. Will you help me water the wheat?.... Cut it, mill it, make it into bread? No, no, no. But of course when it's time to EAT the bread they're all right there. Too bad, says the little red hen.

It plays out a little differently for me. As I stoop to pick up a sock, bring a dirty dish to the sink, return something to a shelf, the though will rise, unbidden: Am I the only one that knows how to do this? It's a bad thought to have; unchecked, it only inspires carping (why don't you ever...!) and self pity. I've finally developed a much healthier attitude about it, one that looks as much at my own reaction as the event that promoted it...and one that's a lot more strategic about, say, incorporating desired behavior into allowance payment plans.

Lately as I watch our economy implode and Obama's stimulus package wind its way through Congress I find another version of the Little Red Hen syndrome playing out in my head.

I've worked since I was 14 years old. I thankfully have a pretty good credit rating and live in a house I own. I've worked in human services for many years because I believe structural inequalities in our society need to be fixed. I know many of those now losing their homes were lied to about their mortgage terms, work at jobs with wages depressed by unfettered global capitalism and years of institutionalized crippling of labor's power.

And yet...there's a tiny, tiny Little Red Hen in my head when I see my puny 401K swirling in the middle stage of the toilet flush, when I watch my home value plummet and hear about mortgage assistance programs and government bailouts. My relative lack of debt and good credit rating come from not taking nice vacations, from living in a house filled with mismatched hand-me-downs, and until very recently driving a car with rust holes you could lob a golf ball through. Where's my reward? this voice asks. I've been working so hard. What do I get?

I'm not proud of this voice when it talks about mortgage assistance programs. I give it free reign and add extra outrage when it comes up around the financial services bailout.

Other parents nod their heads and smile knowingly when I tell them my Little Red Hen theory. Problem is, she lived and worked in a system that was ultimately fair, that rewarded work and had ample resources.

Don't think we do anymore.

We're measuring the wrong things: Or, was ANYTHING good about the Depression?

Listening to the news coverage of the economy around Christmas, I was struck at how the very fundamentals of what we measure are a perfect example of we're in such a mess.

Consumer spending is down, reporters intoned, meaning retailers suffer, tax revenues drop, and the downward spiral continues.

But past holiday buying seasons, which bolstered the economy we were used to, were based on credit card debt, and on that peculiar American brand of entitlement that's the envy and the downfall of our financial system and the world's: We DESERVE that new plasma screen TV. Our lives are deficient if we don't have the right new car! No matter what we make or how these expenses bring our spending out of kilter with our income. The right to borrow and spend more than we make is our right too.

We are measuring the wrong things.

Lurching into this recession, watching my home value plummet and my 401K waste away like everyone else, I've been trying to change my habits, to be more in line values embodied by my parents, trained by grandparents who lived through the Depression. Sensible saving, good for the long term economy and our individual and collective financial health, means Christmas retail sales drop, resulting in this hysterical (and perhaps misdirected) news coverage of how the economy continues to tank.

If I were a news editor I'd have my reporters also find out how much we are saving as a nation, whether we are paying down some debt and putting money in the bank. Include savings as a benchmark, an automatic news peg. Spending is good and needed - but so is saving, and living within your means. Where is the sweet spot where these trajectories connect for the greatest good?

Sometimes I think the Depression taught us some good things: recycle, be careful with and grateful for what we have. It's sad and touching, in a way, the implication that if only we saved enough string we'd be all right. In fact, the most maddening thing about W's response to 9/11 was that he asked nothing of us. Look at how Americans have rallied together and sacrificed in the past. If only he'd asked us to pull together then, the whole painful reversal in attitude and fortune, now beginning in the midst of a yawning crisis, could be well underway.

Listening to the news the other morning, my older daughter asked if we were going to lose our house. It's unlikely, now, I was able to tell her. And even if we did, the worst thing that would happen to us is we'd double up, maybe living in Pepere and Gradma's basement.

No problem! both girls replied.

I think the entire country is going to have to undergo this large shift in thinking. It's going to be painful and not quick.